Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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