Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize