Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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