I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
