I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
