I want to have your abortion
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
