Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
