Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
