i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
