Having a random hookup so left but love u
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
