You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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