Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
