well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
