I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
