shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
