there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Alive.
So much puke
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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