my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
