so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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