i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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