i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
