After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
