If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
