im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize