I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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