I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
