He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
