I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
