So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
