Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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