therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You need Xanax blowdarts
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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