Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
