too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
