ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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