like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
