do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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