I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize