Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
