I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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