i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
