So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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