i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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