Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
my shit smells like andre
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
They have beer where we have blood.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize