How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The uberlube is also flammable
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
