You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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