did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
