i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
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