i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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