You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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