I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize