Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
