youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
In America we eat man semen.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
