That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize