I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Im part way to drunk.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
