Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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