yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
