Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
