seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
