If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
