He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
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