Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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