12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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