Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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