He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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