dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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