fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
