then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
