i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
