He disabled his match.com account in front of me
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I have surprise drugs for everyone
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize